Ratty speckled henpecker

 

Natural History of a Speckled Henpecker

Introduction:

Speckled Henpeckers are, unbelievably, employed to nurture and educate young humans. The psychological scarring undoubtedly caused to these poor children during their formative years is probably to blame for the large numbers of the local population  who now inhabit a fantasy world.   Fortnightly during winter months, forlorn groups gather at the Hawthorns to pay homage to a speckled sparrow and pray for a return to rather more successful days - dimly remembered as the 'Astle era'.

Even one of the Speckled Henpeckers themselves (locally educated naturally) has succumbed to this sad behaviour.

Here are some characteristics of the odious creatures known as Speckled Henpeckers.

 
Status: Resident in, or with connections to, the Aldridge and West Bromwich areas of the West Midlands. Unusual migratory behaviour in August to various parts of Europe - especially where the sun is hot and beer is cold.
Habitat: Speckled Henpeckers are shy creatures of habit who find sanctuary in oaks - particularly the smaller, quieter, royal variety, and houses - especially the larger, white variety
Nutrition: An unhealthy diet of desiccated, cooked pig skin washed down by large volumes of an hallucinogen named after a very unusual motor car.
Behaviour: Although mainly docile, Speckled Henpeckers can become agitated when irritated by cocky inquisitive creatures called Lawrences.
Voice:

Speckled Henpeckers grunt "oozroundisit" as a method of ordering other Speckled Henpeckers to get up and fetch them sustenance.